How To Quiet Your Inner Mean Girl
How To Quiet Your Inner Mean Girl
Give her a name: “Back off, Marjorie.”
By Ashley Alt
Mental Health
How to quiet your inner mean girl: Who is she and why does she keep showing up?
Your inner mean girl is that voice who says things like, “You’re not ready for this. You’re not good enough. You don’t deserve that promotion, and you look terrible today.”
Barbara Markway, Ph.D., psychologist, and author of The Self-Confidence Workbook, suggests giving your inner mean girl a name (like Marjorie), and talking to her when she gets in your way: “Thanks for your concern, Marjorie, but I can handle this. And my ass looks great in these jeans.”
Being conscious of what you say to yourself is key as well. Dana-Maxx Pomerantz, founder of The Be Happy Project, advises us to take negative words like “can’t” and “don’t” out of our vocabulary, and get in the habit of reciting mantras like, “I am smart” and “I deserve money.”
Another tactic I’ve found effective (thanks to my Journalism professor) is to say the word “NO” as soon as your inner mean girl tries to creep in.
Back off, Marjorie.
Motherhood
Rebecca Minkoff says she needs to be away from her kids most of the day for the sake of her mental health. Her and I have this in common.
And it got me thinking about the unsolvable puzzle of “work-life balance” that mothers face daily. No matter what we do — work 10 hours per day or no hours per day — we’re burdened with guilt. Guilt about not being present for our kids enough, and guilt for not contributing to the workforce enough.
I have no solution for this — this is simply a think piece for you to chew on, but I would love your input. How do you lessen the mom guilt?
Fashion
We’re a year into the pandemic, vaccines are happening, and we are ready to put the sweatpants away. Designers are taking notice of our need for normalcy, which is why so many brands are launching right now — despite the colossal number of store shutdowns.
We’ve been dressing only for ourselves for so long that “getting dressed” seems like somewhat of a foreign concept. This article, 5 Editors on the Outfits They’re Actually Wearing Right Now, will help you navigate how to ease back into dressing for the real world.
Also, if you’re feeling uninspired in your wardrobe right now, Sandrine Charles, Co-Founder of the Black In Fashion Council, reminds us that, “Where did you get that?!” remains the best compliment, and that word-of-mouth is SUPES important for designers. So if you love something, ask about it!
Identity
What does knowing your worth mean? Personal branding experts throw this term around a lot, and make it seem as attainable as a one-click Amazon purchase. But understanding things like knowing your worth and what success means to you aren’t simple questions with black & white answers — they’re lifelong pursuits, and they evolve as we get older (and wiser!)
In the most basic sense, knowing your worth means knowing your strengths and what you value — as a woman, as a partner, and as a business professional. What are your non-negotiables in money? Who would you be overjoyed to spend your days with? How do you want to spend your free time, and how you you are actually spending it?
While the concept of identity is complex, we tend to overcomplicate our lives. Ask yourself what your version of success looks like every day, and do your best to attain that. My version of success (if you’re curious) is waking up every day feeling energized and excited about what I’m going to do all day. To feel this way, key things have to happen:
- A vigorous morning workout (preferably cycle)
- A delicious latte
- A head-to-toe look that makes me feel in charge, yet playful
- A realistic checklist of what will get me closer to my career goals, and what will make me feel insanely proud of myself
Actionable Tip of the Week
Compliment someone today.
Be you.
Xo, Ashley
Ashley Alt is the mastermind behind the newsletter Take a Sip: mindset motivation for boujee millennials, delivered weekly.
