The 10 Things I Wish I Knew After Having My Baby

By Angela Principe

I’ve delivered 3 babies. Every time, regardless of circumstance, that car ride to the hospital felt like the most terrifying, beautiful, scary, exciting, trip of my life, and with each delivery I made note of the things I wish someone had told me to expect when they wheeled me to my car, handed me my baby in a car seat and sent me on my way. I think the most important thing is that every baby, mom, day, and experience is different. 

So, let me be clear, just because you read or heard something somewhere does not mean that is what it will be like for you.

Ok…let’s continue. 

1) It’s ok if it isn’t love at first sight.

It may take a minute for you to fully grasp that this little human is yours to keep. 

2) The hormones.

Someone warned me about the hormones, but I didn’t realize the extent of it. The random tears of panic, love, the smell of GoGurt, fear, shame, being out of soup, anger, and awe. Random tears, uncontrollable crying, at all hours of the day. The random anger at my spouse, the delivery man who rang the doorbell, my spouse, my kids and my spouse. The hormones are normal, but if you ever feel like they are more than normal, call your doctor. If you are having these feelings more often than you aren’t, your doctor can help. THIS doesn’t make you weak, or less of a mom. 

3) The poop.

Not the baby’s poop, they tell you about that. I’m talking about THE poop. Your poop. Your first post delivery poop. It is not fun. Your organs were rearranged, your body is still in the healing process and pushing again is not something that tops your priority list. After my first child I didn’t poop for 5 days, but it’s part of the healing. 

4) Feeding.

I thought breastfeeding was going to be this natural connection and while I did breastfed all of my kids, it did not feel natural at first. My nipples bled. I was prescribed cream to help with the pain (it didn’t).The first two weeks with every one of my kids was painful. Bad latches, bad supply, bad positioning…to the point that I would flinch at feedings, cuss at latchings and cry at night. Trust your gut. A happy baby is a fed baby, so if that is breast, formula, combo, just know that your decision is best because it is your decision. Also, set up a snack and water station next to where you feed. Your late night hunger and thirst will thank you. 

And if you can’t breastfeed, that’s fine too. Every body is different. Fed is best.

5) The greatest gift is food.

People want to visit and meet the baby. They want to bring books and clothes. No. Tell them you want food. Or have your best friend set up a meal train. Bonus points if it’s in containers that don’t need to be returned. Double points if it’s in containers that don’t need to be returned OR washed. You are a sleep deprived walking zombie who is trying to teach a baby the difference between night and day. You don’t need to be in charge of dinner. Use the gift cards, accept the food, live on the leftovers, and remember the joy of having a hot meal ready for you the next time a friend has a baby. 

6) Parenting is not equal.

It doesn’t matter how helpful your spouse is, how much time they get off of work, or how much you love them…it will still not be equal. It will be frustrating, some days more than others, the way they close their dresser loudly will bother you, and you will be annoyed at how they somehow can’t hear the baby over the monitor, if it is something that is a reoccurring frustration, tell them! They probably don’t even realize it. If not, have a friend you can vent to, especially if they can relate. It doesn’t mean your parenting is failing or you love them any less (although some days it may feel that way.) 

7) You will Google so much stuff.

Nothing will seem normal. You will convince yourself that your baby is constipated and that is why they aren’t sleeping only to have Dr. Google tell you newborn babies can go 7-10 days without pooping. You will worry about the most random things, and will Google even more absurd things than that. All good, for the relief, or the sense of normalcy, but do not go down the Google rabbit hole where you start to wonder if your baby’s constipation is coming from a lunar eclipse that happened earlier this month. Know when to Google, when to stop, and when to call your doctor. 

8) Your body.

While you are spending every waking moment trying to take care of this little human’s body, you are doing it from a body you barely recognize yourself. Your hair starts falling out (chunks while you shower), you still look pregnant but the baby is not in there, you are swollen, and sore, with lopsided boobs. Your body feels weird and different, and you feel weird and different. Do something for your body that makes you feel like yourself. Paint your nails, do a sheet mask, put on real pants (or don’t). Your body has been on spin cycle and you need to appreciate it’s power and strength. 

9) Late night purchases.

You will spend money late at night trying to find something, anything, that will make your baby sleep at night. You will try 7 different swaddles, and will *add to cart* anything that claims to help babies sleep. You are willing to try whatever it will take to get a magical 4 hours of sleep and 90% of it will fail. Ask friends for loaners, let friends allow you the “try before you buy” for a couple days. It will save you a lot of money. 

10) The judgement.

There will be someone, at some point, in those first couple weeks who will judge you and their mothering because it is not how they did it. It might be a MIL, neighbor, or some random lady waiting behind you in the check out line. Don’t let it shame you. Don’t let them make you think any less. And try to have a couple good come backs in your back pocket to use in case of emergency. 

Random lady at check out: Wow, that baby sure is crying, he is probably over tired and should be napping.

You: Nah, he’s just upset I wouldn’t let him get the Mountain Dew he wanted. Kids!

The first couple of weeks feel like the longest, most tiring Groundhog Day of chaos while you wonder what the heck you signed up for, followed immediately by how the heck did we get so lucky…but then you blink and you are taking one month photos, and you are making them smile real smiles, and you are still Googling constantly, but you realize that those first two weeks are a distant blur. 

So ultimately, what I wish someone had told me is that no matter how many times you bring a baby home, you will never feel prepared, but your heart and your gut are. You are their mama. You are stronger than you know. You don’t think that you are ready, but you will soon realize that life’s greatest adventures come from the unknown. 

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Angela is the author of the children’s book What a Wonderful Adventure and creator of Instagram’s @mommywinetime.