It Starts At The Table
The beads of sweat are collecting on the back of your neck, your heart rate is starting to pick up. The dread begins to set in… it is dinner time!
Is this how you feel when mealtime approaches? Do you have a picky little eater ruling the dining room table? Are they breaking you down one meal at a time? Relax, Mom, you’re not the only one. I am here to help you fight this battle. First off, take a deep breath. Dinner can be stressful, but when you show your frustration, your kiddo can sense it. Beware! They smell fear, and they will pounce. Picky or selective eating is a very normal occurrence in children.
Part of normal development for children is learning control. Control of arms, legs, vocals, emotions, and even situations. Your little one is trying to gain some control at the dinner table, which is challenging your control as the parent (you think this is hard now, wait till 16). This is going to be an area where you need to learn to give a little. Yes, I know that is hard to do, but it will be okay.
We come from a generation of parents who were told, ” You eat what’s on your plate or you don’t leave the table’, but it is ok not the eat the whole plate. We have to remember their tummies are much smaller than ours and sometimes we may be giving them too much. Some of us have strong-willed little ones that will stay at the table all night if we live by this motto. This way of thinking will break down mom and kiddo at the end of the day, leaving everyone defeated, exhausted, and hungry still.
So how do we manage this without losing our mind? Let me share some tips I have learned from my own upbringing and from what I learned working with children.
1. It all starts at the table! Make sure they know that meals happen at the table. Growing up, my sisters and I knew that we always had dinner at the kitchen table, and no matter what, you were drinking water. There was no juice or soda at the dinner table, so don’t even ask! (Honestly though, we are all pretty good water drinkers now as adults because of this. Thanks Dad!). Having their meals at the table allows them to have the least amount of distractions and focus on their food. They will learn to associate that time with eating and family time. The dinner table is such a happy memory for me, it made food something of enjoyment. When I found out we were expecting Noah, one of my first thoughts was, “we need a kitchen table”. My husband and I always ate at the island or coffee table because it was just the two of us. Now that little man was coming, I knew we needed our own table to build those happy memories and teach him how to try new foods. Make dinner time a happy time, let them know that the table is a safe place of refreshment and enjoyment.
2. Let them help with meal prepping and portions. When you have your little one help you shop (pre-pandemic obviously, now I guess they can help you order groceries if you are still not going into stores) and help make dinner, they gain a sense of pride. Because they helped from beginning to end, they are more likely to try more foods. They will want everyone in the family to try the food they helped prepare. My mom always had us help in an age-appropriate way. Sometimes it was opening a can or peeling carrots or potatoes. This allowed us to be part of the process and now three out of four of us are in food service. Now I am not saying your kiddo is going to be the next Ramsey, but it will help develop responsibility and desire to try things. They will develop life skills that will continue to develop into adulthood. Also, if age-appropriate, allow them to build their plate for dinner. This one I recently learned from Noah’s Bee Bee and I will definitely be implementing this later on. She told me that if the kids made their own plates, then they had to eat whatever was on it. They chose what went on the plate and how much. If she made their plate, they did not need to finish it, but they had to try everything. She was aware that she may put something on that she enjoyed more than they did. By allowing them to make their own plates, they dictated what they ate (within reason obviously) and taught them portion control. It will take some time, but it will teach your little one that they can always come back for seconds!
3. Be Positive! Let your little one see you trying things and being excited about it. Let them see you enjoy the food you are preparing together. There will be times that you as an adult may not like what is for dinner. This is a teaching moment. Do not make a big deal out of this. Try something like, “That is not my favorite food, but I am glad we tried it. What do you think of it?”. They will begin to see that it is ok not to like certain things and they can vocalize that the right way. Those little eyes are always watching us, they mirror whatever we do. Our eating habits will become their eating habits. Our reactions will become their reactions.
4. Fortify! It is ok to fortify (nice way of saying hide) veggies & fruit in other foods. Some will tell you that this is not a good idea because it will break the trust between you and your child. I personally do not believe this, so throw that zucchini in a loaf of bread with chocolate chips. Make those pancakes out of bananas. Hide all the veggies you want in some marinara sauce. Or my mom’s claim to fame, prunes in her homemade brownies. Fed is best! Remember that motto when you were struggling with breastfeeding or formula feeding? All it boils down to is if your little one is getting what they need to hit those targets when they have their checkups. They will not hate you for making sure they grow big and strong.
5. Reward! There is a difference between bribing and rewarding. Bribing you are giving something to persuade them. A reward is given after hard work and trying your best. Every year with our lovely kindergarteners, we would go over nutrition and trying new foods. They would get a chart that they would fill out every time they tried something new. Once they had met a certain amount of new food (notice I said try, they did not have to like what they tried) they got to pick what was for dessert that week. The reward system worked very well. So with your little one, have them start a chart system and mark off when they tried a new food. Then pick a certain day each week that is their dessert day. Whether that is the only dessert day or special dessert you make together is for you to decide. This is another way to allow them to gain control and learn responsibility.
The biggest thing you need to remember is to never put your little one down or make eating a traumatizing experience. A healthy relationship with food starts in these formidable years. When we pressure or force little ones, it associates food with a negative experience, sometimes causing issues further down the line. Make sure to be positive and encouraging! With little ones, they will get there when they want to get there, much like every other developmental stage. If they try one small new food but then down some buttered noodles with cheese on top, that is still better than nothing. They will eventually grow out of being so picky and start to try things because they see everyone else trying things. Don’t stress it mom, they will get there. Relax and make happy memories at the table that they will remember for a life time.
Till next time,
Kayleigh attended school for Food Service Management and has worked in food service for the last nine years. Most recently, she was a chef at a private school. Unfortunately due to the events of 2020, the school had to close its door and Kayleigh was out of a job. Shortly before losing her job, she found out about their little pandemic surprise, Noah, after fighting infertility for the last 5 years. One night at a 2 am feeding, Kayleigh started wondering how she could bring together her love of food and her love of being a mom – and that’s how Feeding Noah was born! Kayleigh worked with many children with very picky eating habits and/or suffered from food allergies as well as suffering through these things herself. This taught Kayleigh a lot of tips and tricks in this area. So she decided to make a virtual space for moms to help make it easier to feed their precious little kiddos.
