Why Having A Support System is Crucial To Surviving New Motherhood
By Ashley Alt
They say it takes a village to raise a child. As a mom of two, I can attest to that statement — both for myself and for every mom I know — but so many mothers out there aren’t getting the help they need simply because they aren’t asking for it. Thankfully, with the conversation around maternal mental health opening the eyes of mothers and health professionals everywhere, the stigma around postpartum depression (PPD) is, slowly but surely, being lifted.
While the “baby blues” are a normal and expected part of having a baby, those initial feelings of sadness and loneliness develop into something more serious for 1 in 8 mothers in the U.S., manifesting as postpartum depression, or PPD, a condition that needs medical attention.
For far too long, moms have put their mental health on the backburner in order to “sacrifice” for their kids and “be a good mother.” Now that society has woken up to the fact that kids can’t be taken care of unless mom is taken care of, it feels like we’re moving in the right direction.
Enter Check on Mom, a program that helps new and expectant moms create a customized maternal mental wellness plan by designating a group of trusted friends and family (aka a “mom team”) who are committed to helping moms through the exhausting postpartum period.
The program is a breath of fresh air that meets a new mom’s needs — like meal prep, house care, and errands, as well as setting postpartum boundaries. The point is to have a purposeful plan set in place, helping moms identify what’s most important to them in terms of help, be it a clean house or the emotional support of a mom friend when you need to talk it out.
What causes postpartum depression, and how can you manage it?
Diving deeper into the causes and symptoms of PPD, I spoke with Dr. Kristina Deligiannidis, Director of Women’s Behavioral Health at Northwell Health, who has dedicated her life to perinatal research upon treating a patient who developed postpartum psychosis, a condition different from PPD.
“I was so struck that this woman, with no history of anxiety, was wandering around her neighborhood at 2 in the morning,” Dr. Deligiannidis told me of her patient. “That her brain really suffered an insult from delivery. I was so struck with how delivery could do this to the brain that I dedicated my career to looking at how female sex hormones can trigger those symptoms that can be so impairing.”
Intrigued by this story, and extremely concerned about the wellbeing of new moms, I asked what precautions pregnant women can take in order to prevent those feelings associated with PPD, which Dr. Deligiannidis noted what she looks for, as a perinatal psychologist; a variety of behavioral symptoms including “a depressed or sad mood, loss of interest or pleasure in things women used to enjoy, and loss of interest in being around other people, friends, or family.”
“Women with perinatal depression truly have significant sleep disturbances,” she stated. “These symptoms start to impair their day-to-day life. Some women present more of an anxious mood. If they don’t have support from their loved ones, community, or friends, the symptoms can worsen.”
The answer to managing these symptoms is to first speak with your doctor upon recognizing them, followed by having a postpartum plan and routine after delivery. Women struggling with PPD, along with other mood disorders, can find relief by having a solid support system in place.
“When a woman identifies as not feeling like themselves, they notice a shift in their mood and behaviors,” Dr. Deligiannidis says. “By reaching out to a clinical provider like a midwife or physician, they will be able to understand their symptoms to confirm it is PPD, or an anxiety disorder, which is also very common, and then have a discussion about a treatment approach.”
The options, she tells me, are talk therapy, group therapy, psychotherapy, medication, and plans to address the new stressors they have in their lives, like the Check on Mom program.
Why is the identity crisis among new mothers so common?
Shifting gears a bit to talk about the confidence and self-worth hit that often accompanies having a baby, Dr. Deligiannidis brings up the concept of mom guilt, something all moms are all too familiar with.
“Maternal guilt is so common,” she tells me. “Moms are trying to handle the physical changes during pregnancy, and if they have other children and responsibilities, they are central to so many different people’s lives. When they feel they are falling short in one of those responsibilities, it brings on tremendous guilt which has a direct impact on our mood. This warrants the, ‘Why can’t I do it all? Why can’t I take care of everything perfectly?’ cycle.”
She continued, stating this is not helped by social media, with messages encouraging women to get back into their size 4 jeans just a few days after delivery. It’s no wonder we feel that we fall short in not only motherhood, but in our womanhood altogether, due to these unreasonable and unrealistic expectations that society has placed upon women.
Dr. Deligiannidis also spoke on prioritizing brain health, as “the brain undergoes tremendous change in pregnancy and after delivery,” reinforcing the idea that women need to have a plan in place once they have a baby.
“I love working with moms to be the best women they can and to enjoy their babies and families,” she says. “It’s important to note that each mother requires a different approach to restore her mood and bond with her baby. This is where community comes in handy — because they know when to intervene.”
For more information on Check on Mom, visit their website. Then go check on your mom friends! With ongoing inspirational content and helpful tips reminding participants to check on mom, this is the resource mothers didn’t know they needed.
Ashley Alt is a freelance writer based in Connecticut. Her interest area lies in mental health, as she continues to advocate for those struggling with mental illness. She believes our weirdness is what makes us great.
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