8 Questions to Help You Bust Through Your Limiting Beliefs and Support New Mental Muscles
By Deb Lauren
Good moms don’t have free time.
I can’t lose weight.
I’m not a morning person.
Working women aren’t good mothers.
Stay at home moms aren’t ambitious.
I don’t have enough experience to apply for that job.
I’m too old for this.
I don’t have enough money to start a business.
Raise your hand if you’ve said even one of these to yourself, your partner or friend.
It feels true, doesn’t it?…you might even be able to find plenty of evidence for it.
Guess what, mama bear? You have an efficient brain (air five!). You’re like the Olympic gymnast who’s practiced her cartwheel so many times, she doesn’t even have to think about it anymore. This belief is a groove in your brain, carved over and over again that is so practiced, so familiar, it’s simply the most efficient way to think.
But here’s the kicker…this efficient brain of yours can hinder your growth by creating belief ceilings, also known as limiting beliefs. Our past experiences, education, peer group, religious upbringing, etc, all color our view of the world and sometimes, we make connections that simply aren’t true. When your brain is processing 4 billion bits of information a second and moving through 50,000 thoughts a day, efficiency is a MUST!
Now you might be thinking, “wait a minute, I have 50,000 thoughts a day? That’s insane”. Yup, Your brain filters them and only shows you 15%. The rest reside in your subconscious and are often full of doubt, fear and insecurity. Buzzkill, I know. But this is really helpful information. Science teaches us that our subconscious thoughts are 4x more prevalent than the ones we know about. So, it’s no wonder that our work ethic or sheer desire may not always be enough to challenge those odds. Thoughts like “working women aren’t good moms” or “I’m not a morning person” are fueled by your subconscious; the gymnast in your brain that’s been cartwheeling since she was 3. No amount of desire is going to rival her experience unless you put the training in yourself!
A belief ceiling is a belief that limits you, makes you play small or stay in your comfort zone. It identifies you as the victim and grants you permission to avoid risk, conflict, even authenticity. Being comfortable is one thing. Action from a place of comfort breeds confidence which allows you to be yourself, share your gifts and excel in your genius. What’s important is knowing the difference between staying comfortable in order to excel and staying “safe” out of fear.
Action, or inaction always serves you in some way. Your choices protect your core needs of status, security, attention, connection…to name a few. That’s why habits are so hard to break. When you think you have no time for a hobby, for example, it may be serving the selfless parent identity that checks your status box. It’s a quality we associate with pride and protects us from feeling failure or shame.
I think we can all agree that being a “good mom” is a shared goal of everyone reading this. But, we forget that you can’t find “good mom” in the dictionary. There isn’t one definition because good is, and will always be, subjective and what supports your “goodness” differs from mom to mom. Similarly, with any goal you have, if you want to believe new thoughts, you’ll need to train your brain to store them as facts so they become the practiced, familiar, efficient choice.
Time to build some new mental muscles. If you have a goal, or a wish for yourself and you’ve now realized a limiting belief stands in your way, I’ve got 8 questions you can ask yourself to build a new groove, perfect your cartwheel and see what’s waiting for you. Follow these steps to determine your limiting belief and then work through the reframe supporting your growth!
Ask yourself these 8 questions
- What is the result you’re after? (complete a 10k)
- What’s in your way from achieving that? (lack of time, don’t have the right shoes…)
- What reasons are FACT and what ones are your STORY? (no shoes= fact, I don’t have time= story)
- What result is that STORY/BELIEF creating? What is it costing you? (you don’t get to do the race/actualize your potential/ be healthy)
- Can you look for proof of the opposite? (I have as much time as everyone else…I’m making time for______.) It’s about prioritizing…you have the time, it’s just been filled up by other things you are valuing more
- What would happen if I was wrong? (I would delegate, I would say no more, I would ask for help so that could prioritize the training. Ultimately, I get to train for the race)
- What’s the worst that could happen if I choose the belief that supports the result I want? (I might disappoint my family, people think I’m selfish). This causes you to now be more aware of your emotions and confront them so they/your ego can’t sabotage you.
- Are you willing to set new expectations? Can you step into the temporary nature of your discomfort? To replace your old belief with the new one and make decisions from THAT place? (Making time to train might disappointing my family, it might mean less time with kids or more reliance on help…but it also gives my kids a more present, healthy mom. It offers them a chance to learn how to process change, sets an example of valuing health and aspiring towards new goals…so amazing for kids to see their parents finding ways to up-level themselves and teaches how to fill their own cups.)
Once you’ve brought your belief through these questions, all that’s left to do is communicate your belief, show anyone involved the value in believing it and TRY IT OUT! Practice making decisions from this belief and give it time to settle in, to become just as efficient and dependable as your cartwheel;) Remember, Mama, all beliefs serve you in some way, but if you see a ceiling you want to shatter….you know what to do! You got this!
Deb has been coaching mindset for over 4 years, helping clients navigate change and transition with greater clarity, confidence and personal agency. Most known for bridging the gap between neuroscience and meditation, Deb fuels her clients with mindset management and self discovery tools they can integrate into personal and professional roles.
As a divorced working mother of two boys, Deb is no stranger to stress and the ever present balancing act of work and home life. You can, therefore, find Deb nose deep in brain books or zoning out to a Yoga Nidra sleep sash to stay grounded and resourced while riding the rollercoaster that is life. To learn more, visit https://deblaurencoaching.com/ or follow Deb on Instagram at @deblaurencoaching.
