How To Mentally Bounce Back After A Challenging Postpartum Experience
If you’re struggling with PPD, the “Baby Blues,” or general motherhood anxiety, this post will make you feel less alone.
By Ashley Alt
Let me say this straight away: This is not meant to be a Debbie Downer post, but one that makes you feel seen as a mom feeling all of the normal feelings we do as we shift from womanhood to motherhood — sadness, loneliness, anger, resentment, etc.
The point though, is that those feelings don’t last forever. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, which is what I want everyone reading this to understand — whether you’re a new mom, preggo for the first time, or even a veteran mom.
I asked Sara Alter, a business coach & certified life coach, how she got her life back on track after having a baby. Now a mom of 2 running her own consulting biz in Greenwich, CT, I think it’s safe to say she “bounced back” after baby.
Here is our convo!
ASHLEY: Give me a day in the life of your postpartum days. How did you feel as a new mom during that vulnerable time?
SARA: The postpartum days were filled with a lot of mixed emotions. I became a mom over 5 years ago so in retrospect, I know that while the takeaway is still so raw, I’ve blocked out a lot of the day-to-day struggles. After a difficult pregnancy and 26 weeks of feeling sick and bathroom floor ridden, I remember being overjoyed that I was no longer pregnant. I was also experiencing a lot of resentment that my life was changing so much, and with so little time to live outside the confines of motherhood.
Day to day I was balancing entrepreneurship and being a full-time mom, and the two didn’t go hand in hand. I was trying to fit everything in, with little help, and the systems I had in place weren’t serving me well. It took a huge emotional toll.
A: The identity crisis new moms face is no joke. What would you say surprised you the most, in terms of going from woman to mom?
S: I really struggled with embracing the idea that I was a mom. It took me a long time to accept and own that this was now who I was. It felt like I had to swap out this old version of myself to embrace this new normal. And while I wanted to be a mom, I didn’t want to be a mom at the expense of the things that were such a huge part of my life — like my business, friendships, time alone, and rest. It sounds so selfish when I say it out loud, but I think that internal struggle and guilt is often at the root of postpartum depression.
A: How did you pull yourself out of your postpartum slump? What helped make you feel better?
S: My situation didn’t allow too much time for self-reflection because by the time I started feeling a little more like myself around 8 months postpartum, I became pregnant again with my daughter. It wasn’t until she was a few months old and in daycare that I was able to breath, look up, and acknowledge that I needed help.
I started seeing a therapist, and while no mention of postpartum came up, which to this day is so upsetting, I eventually did enough research on my own to figure out what was happening. I sought out additional support and started medication. When my daughter was two and we moved out of NYC, I also made the incredibly difficult decision to close my business, which had been a huge part of my life for a decade. This freed up a lot of time and space to focus on my new surroundings, my family, and myself.
A: What advice do you have for moms-to-be on protecting their mental health?
S: My number one piece of advice is to get ahead of your mental health. Anticipate that you could be the 1 in 5 women to experience postpartum depression or anxiety, and find a therapist, a coach, or a support group prior to giving birth. I don’t think maternal mental health care is a luxury, I think it’s a necessity.
To give you another perspective (because everyone’s stories are different), I asked myself the same Qs I did to Sara…
ASHLEY: Give me a day in the life of your postpartum days. How did you feel as a new mom during that vulnerable time?
ASHLEY: They were dark days. I got pregnant unexpectedly, which exacerbated the raging hormones. When you’re 26 living the high life in Chicago, an unplanned pregnancy isn’t exactly on the socialite menu.
Looking back now, I can talk about it without getting upset because as cliche as it sounds, my son was the best thing to happen to me — and to my relationship with my husband. Everything is clearer in retrospect.
A day in the life as a young new mom was incredibly sad and terribly lonely. I longed for my old life back and didn’t think I would ever feel happy again. My self-esteem and self-worth were destroyed not because I didn’t know how to be a mom, but because I had lost my identity.
When you’re alone in a one-bedroom apartment with a baby all day, every day, you literally begin to go insane. I did, anyway.
A: The identity crisis new moms face is no joke. What would you say surprised you the most, in terms of going from woman to mom?
A: Witnessing my friendships dwindle was something I never expected to happen. They’re back now, but it took time. The self-esteem hit was particularly surprising because I had never not felt confident in my life.
I found myself second-guessing the stupidest things like what shoes I should wear with my outfit, so trying to figure out where I fit in the professional world (where my identity crisis largely stemmed from) seemed quite impossible.
There were good shifts though, too, like figuring out I didn’t need alcohol to socialize. And feeling my relationship with my own mom flourish.
A: How did you pull yourself out of your postpartum slump? What helped make you feel better?
A: Putting on makeup. Getting dressed. Calling my mom and sisters. Making plans to meet up with friends. Everything that made me, me, basically.
Specifically, though, SoulCycle saved my life. As did going back to work. It sounds dramatic but when you don’t do anything for yourself for an entire year (when you were used to doing/getting whatever you wanted), you realize how important your mental health is. You realize it’s everything, actually.
Also owning where you are in life. On top of my motherhood identity crisis, I was undergoing a career crisis — not feeling like I was good enough to be making money from writing and feeling ashamed I enjoyed working retail. Once I stopped caring what other people thought, I felt this amazing sense of relief. And now I’m proud of who I am and the goals I’m pursuing.
A: What advice do you have for moms-to-be on protecting their mental health?
A: BE PROACTIVE ABOUT IT. Keep working out. Eat healthier. Prioritize time with your friends. Talk about your feelings often. Listen to motivational podcasts. Have fun. Laugh every day. Get off your damn phone. Pursue work that excites you. Have a routine that works with your lifestyle, not against it. Repeat.
Thank you for reading.
Ashley Alt is the mastermind behind the newsletter Take a Sip: mindset motivation for boujee millennials, delivered weekly.
