Why is Mommy Crying? -Explaining Early Pregnancy Loss to Young Children
By Cori Baill, MD
An Inclusive Picture Book for Young Children Affected by Miscarriage
OB /GYN writes picture book for a family’s youngest members
I am an OB/GYN, a mother of two, and now a children’s picture book author. We as women know that grief shared is grief lessened. Yet in modern American society, all too often, a vast and stifling silence surrounds early pregnancy loss. It is my profound hope that this picture book explaining early pregnancy loss to children as young as three will help to lift the silence. Why is Mommy Crying?-explaining early pregnancy loss to young children consoles those in grief and promotes healing for the family’s youngest members and for all those who love them including older siblings, parents, extended family, friends, and community.
Help to explain early pregnancy loss to children
As an OB/GYN physician, I am probably more comfortable with a fetal heart monitor or stethoscope than with a keyboard. But as the decades of my practice experience whizzed by, I always kept my eye out for a nondenominational, inclusive children’s book to help young families explain an early pregnancy loss to their children. Recently, a welcome trend in children’s picture books is to address difficult topics with creative age-appropriate language and art including grief. Though, to my profound disappointment, none appeared specific to early pregnancy loss. So, about the time my youngest entered medical school, I dusted off a long lingering story from my desk drawer and decided to write it myself.
An easy-to-understand and heartfelt story
Accompanied by his ever-expressive stuffed monkey, Max treks across the house to his parents’ bed where it is always nice and warm. But on his way, Max finds Mommy in their chair rocking alone. Prompted by his mother’s loving explanation, Max uses his unique and vivid imagination to compassionately frame early pregnancy loss in an easy-to-understand story.
Use of God is an age-appropriate concept, though no specific belief is a prerequisite
The mother refers to God in a way that comforts and consoles children who may need help to manage their fears after a traumatic event. Because ‘God’ mirrors how young children view their parent’s love and omnipotence, they can draw comfort from the explanation used in the story, and hopefully find help to process the family’s loss. Intentionally, there are no allusions to any specific spiritual practice in the art or language of the book. To my surprise, some early reviewers suggested the book would only appeal to religious families. I disagree. I think Why is Mommy Crying? -explaining early pregnancy loss to young children need not be pigeonholed and I hope it helps all who have known the sadness of an early pregnancy loss.
An Inclusive Book
Max and his family are multiethnic and while Max has a mom and a dad, I chose language that is inclusive with respect to what constitutes parents and family. The mother asks, “ Do you remember what Daddy and I told you about how babies come to people who love one another?” She does not specify their gender. Why is Mommy Crying?-explaining early pregnancy loss to young children offers a gentle springboard for families to discuss broader concepts surrounding grief and recovery. Additional resources are listed on the last page. I hope that this beautifully illustrated, inclusive picture book helps recipients of every age feel that the door is open, and a caring person is on the other side.
Well-reviewed and well-received
I have been extremely gratified by the national reception of Why is Mommy Crying? -explaining early pregnancy loss to young children . Star Legacy Foundation lists it as a family resource recommended reading on its website, and features it in a podcast (starlegacyfoundation/resources). The Compassionate Friends, an international grief support organization I have long admired, is publishing a linked article on miscarriage in the next edition of their on-line magazine. I was recently notified by the publisher that an international library association of 80,000+, Library Works, has listed WIMC? As the March 2021 ‘do-not-miss children’s book’ in their Books, Bytes, and Beyond Newsletter, (books-bytes-beyond-march). It has earned a 5-star Reader’s Favorite review,
(readersfavorite/book-review), and been positively reviewed on industry (netgalley/catalog) and commercial websites (Goodreads, Amazon ). The American College of Nurse Midwifery announced it to their membership in their February 4th, 2021 on-line newsletter (ACNM Feb newsletter). It has been kindly endorsed by Patrice Kearst, author of The Invisible String and Danielle Ofri, MD PhD, editor in chief of The Bellevue Literary Review.
A talented and amazing artist
Thankfully, in the search for an illustrator I found the portfolio of the talented, amazing young artist, Heather Bell. Through her amazing art, she engages the reader and young listener. She added immeasurably to the accessibility, energy and emotions of the story. I am in awe of her creativity. The book’s beauty is all to her credit. The story passed through the hands of many readers, artists, professionals, friends and fellow writers. I am deeply appreciative to the many who have supported and improved my story. Perhaps most of all I am indebted to my oldest, who late one night, still in pull ups, wearing his dad’s old tee shirt for pajamas, came looking for his mother and asked me why I was crying.
Cori Baill, MD is a board-certified OB/GYN. She completed her OB/GYN residency at The Johns Hopkins Hospital, then practiced for many years. She is now an Associate Professor at the University of Central Florida, College of Medicine. In addition to caring for women and their families, she is an award-winning short story author, and mother of two.
Heather Bell, SCWBI illustrator, https://heatherbellbooks.com, added immeasurably to this project. She holds BFA in Painting from the Kansas City Art Institute, is a member of SCBWI, a participant in the 12 x 12 Picture Book Challenge, and a Children’s Book Academy graduate. When not illustrating and writing, she searches out story ideas as an undercover school bus driver. Heather Bell is an author/illustrator represented by Kaitlyn Sanchez at Olswanger Literary Agency.
